why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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