I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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