I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize