Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
