I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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