Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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