They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
