and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize