Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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