you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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