I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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