Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
