my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We have started to decorate penises.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
