whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
