the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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