So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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