A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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