for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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