Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
