what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
