So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
