we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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