addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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