cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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