I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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