i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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