I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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