Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
