the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
