I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize