all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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