You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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