apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
