Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
