dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
