He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
