My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
