I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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