I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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