I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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