I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
