im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
