Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
