i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
