We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize