My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
