Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
