If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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