hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Houston, we have a blender
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
