I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
