did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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