I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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