girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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