We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
