okay pat passed out under dana's car
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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