I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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