He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
