I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
