I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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