you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
