do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
