I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We left the knife in your bed.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
