ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize