i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You ruined the universe
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize