It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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